


Trying Something Scary

by Bestbuds55



Category: 30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい | 30-sai Made Doutei da to Mahou Tsukai ni Nareru Rashii (TV), 30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい | Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?! (Manga)
Genre: Adachi is trying to figure some shit out, Asexuality, BorderlineAce?Adachi, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Kurosawa is the best boyfriend, M/M, it's okay to be different, unsucessful experimentation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:40:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27958529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bestbuds55/pseuds/Bestbuds55
Summary: Adachi puts a finger in himself to try and see if he could be with Kurosawa like that. It's scary and he ends up telling him that when they meet next. Post episode 7 confession moment.
Relationships: Adachi Kiyoshi/Kurosawa Yuichi
Comments: 14
Kudos: 134





	Trying Something Scary

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s note: I’m rather proud of this one be used it sits very close to my own heart. Hope you enjoy and it’s okay if you don’t understand the premise because someone out there will be thrilled for it. ❤️
> 
> Love you all in this fandom and be back with another story soon. Thanks for reading.

It had all started with a thought. If Kurosawa liked him then if this would ever move forward he would need to be prepared for it. If Adachi was being honest with himself, he didn't touch himself very often. He knew it was strange, but it just never seemed to pop into his mind. It's wasn't a never thing, just very rarely. 

Often times he got home late and if he had free time he preferred to spend it quietly drawing. It just felt so naughty to touch himself in his own dark room, where he lived alone. Kind of sad too, without a point. Sure he felt good for a few minutes but then he would lay there all alone and sometimes cry. Huddling into his sad self. In other words, there was never a moment of him being more aware of how lonely he felt then right after he'd reached completion.

The simplest thing was to avoid those feelings by simply not doing thing like touching himself unless he was really in the mood for it. Adachi was fine living that way, he didn't need it. He was barely interested in it. He barely had an interest in a lot of things before Kurosawa had flipped his world upside down. 

Now it felt important that he be prepared so he would not be so scared in the moment. He wanted the first time between him and Kurosawa to be a normal one. Adachi had done a tiny amount of research for the basics. Reading manga on the subject and even forcing himself to sit through several porn videos. 

Neither had been great experiences if he was being honest, but he did find a few new slow burn, romance manga that he really liked. Maybe he'd show them to Kurosawa? They were BL, but it's should be okay considering they were now boyfriends. That meant Kurosawa was into that kind of thing too, right?

Getting naked was all right, he'd even turn the heat up a little bit to be more comfortable. Adachi looked at himself briefly in the mirror and wondered just how Kurosawa would look at him if he was here. Would he still be smiling at Adachi's unimpressive form? He was soft from the content life of being over 30 and working in an office. Nothing eye catching or interesting.

His cock sat nestled on a small bed of pubic hair that he kept trimmed because he got itchy if he didn't. It wasn't sexy in anyway, just there. What would Kurosawa look like? He'd probably be impressive just because Kurosawa always was. Even if he wasn't, Adachi would still pale in comparison. 

He spent long minutes getting interested, but only succeeded in doing so when his mind finally fell through. Apparently there's be no doing this without thinking about Kurosawa, which meant his feeling went a lot deeper then he'd originally thought. That smile, those crinkly eyes and the way he attentively helped Adachi in every way that mattered. A good man.

Adachi tried not to think about how he was tainting the image of him by using him as jerk off material. Maybe Kurosawa did the same for him? That way it could at least be even? That thought somehow made him both feel better and a tad more embarrassed. Kurosawa had liked him for such a long time and Adachi had been oblivious to it. Just how long had he been another man's fantasy?

He had a bottle of lube that was bought years ago, when he was a younger more curious man. In college he'd tried desperately to figure himself out more, but in the end he'd only known he was a nervous person. He had chickened out then, but it was crucial he didn't now. 

A wet finger touched a hole that was completely unexperienced.He cringed as a contact even though it was his own doing. People liked this, it shouldn't be so scary. Maybe he should have warmed the lube up so it wasn't so cold. It just felt clammy and gross painting his skin.

Kurosawa would be gentle with him, probably kissing him until all the shaking stopped. He didn't have that now though, and he was afraid of himself. Why did he think he could do this before? It wasn't even inside and it was terrifying. Kurosawa would probably be disappointed if he didn't want sex. 

Was it strange to not want sex? He wanted sex with Kurosawa in his mind, but his body seemed to not. Probably because he was trying to force it, but what if it wasn't just that? His stomach was churning and have his half erection slowly flagged to nothing. Kurosawa had said he liked him, but would that change if they couldn't get intimate? 

He sniffled at his own stupidity before pulling the finger away. Nope, that just wasn't happening right now. Maybe he should just get off first and then try again? It has been a long while since he had and maybe it would make him feel better about this whole thing. 

A hand reached down to tug harshly making Adachi hiss at the sensation. It always felt like so much; was it because he didn't do it very often? Kurosawa would be gentle and patient with him. Adachi was hateful and frustrated with himself. This wasn't even really about him, why was it so hard? Or not hard in this case. He whined quietly and felt unhappy about this whole situation.

Adachi tipped backwards and laid back on his bed. He threw the tube of live far from his person. This wasn't happening tonight, he was just too nervous about everything. What kind of man couldn't even get himself off? A tear escaped his eyes from frustration and he had to get up to wash the unused lube off. Did other people have these problems too or was Adachi alone? He should talk to Tsuge about it.

This was humiliating, even just by himself. He'd hyped himself up for this all day and then disappointed himself. Adachi frustratedly threw on his night clothing and tucked himself into bed. He'd had quite enough of today and hopefully tomorrow would be better. Would Kurosawa still love him even if he frequently didn't want sex for a long period of time?

Afterwards he slept terribly during the night. Nightmares flashing at Adachi of Kurosawa frowning on finding out just how much of a failure he really was. Of him not understanding that Adachi was different then most people and just didn't feel into things the same way.

The night was long and lonely. Adachi spent the long eternity wishing he wasn't so alone and his eyes felt heavy as he went to work that morning. At least he managed to tame his bed head down today. It was easier to do when he didn't sleep at all.

He needed to focus on something other than what happened last night. It was early to be arriving at work, but he needed something to get out of the house. Unfortunately, he wasn't the only one to be an hour early to work that morning. 

Kurosawa was just outside the building, looking to be enjoying a hot drink. Adachi froze automatically, and Kurosawa noticed him right away. He always had some sort of radar to tell if Adachi was near him. It was usually a good thing but today when Kurosawa noticed him, Adachi felt like crying.

Kurosawa gave him one of those bright smiles and it was almost to much for Adachi this morning. He usually appreciated the beautiful display, but he was just too tired to smile back. He didn't even try this morning, with every negative thought running free in his head. Kurosawa's own smile slowly dropped, feeling the tension as Adachi shook with it. 

That only made Adachi feel worse. He stumbled a bit while walking and Kurosawa reached out for him even though he was still about 5 feet away. Without thinking he rushed forward to cling to the other man. It hadn't been that long since their confession and he was so tired of being alone already. Kurosawa dropped his drink in the motion but wrapped his arms around Adachi anyways.

Adachi sniffled into his chest. It had felt like a lifetime since they had last been together. He'd missed Kurosawa so much, every scary thought just melted into the background when he was safe in Kurosawa's arms.

"Adachi, what's wrong?" Kurosawa asked sounding genuinely worried. 

Adachi half wished he could be better at hiding things, but he just wanted to tell Kurosawa everything. They were dating, so that probably made sense. That's what people did right? Shared things?

Adachi continued silence seemed to worry Kurosawa, but he found himself unable to say anything. Kurosawa tried a different approach, hauling him close and humming lightly in his ear. "Whatever it is Kiyoshi, telling me will make you feel better. We can work through it together."

That was the first time Kurosawa had said his first name out loud. Adachi blushed and squirmed from it. They'd been dating 18 days, and he felt so in love that he needed to tell the truth. The things that he'd never told anyone before. 

"I tried something last night and it was just too scary! I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to do it and then I couldn't even get hard! I barely ever do and I'm just going to be a burden to you this way." Adachi cried, letting it all out fast so he didn't lose courage. He was probably over sharing, but it all came up like word vomit. Kurosawa froze while holding him.

'Hard?!' Kurosawa's mind stuttered as he rethought about what Adachi had just said. He grip tightened around the other, as he tried to think of a way to calm the man down. He distracted thoughts unknowingly betrayed him to the mind reader. 'What could've he possibly tried?'

Kurosawa's mind gave a dangerous flash of what could've been. Adachi was laid back against the bed, the tear leaking out of his eyes. He was fully naked and yet covered by a the corner of a blanket around his bits. He was practically riding a hand that was too far down to be tugging at his erection. Is that what he would have looked like if he was successful last night? Kurosawa made both him and the act look so beautiful. 

He whined quietly and clung just a little bit tighter. That was never going to be him, he'd forgotten too scared. Would it be a problem in the future? What was expected of him in a relationship anyways? He barely ever got hard, but it wasn't like he expected Kurosawa to be the same. He didn't think he'd mind touching him, but was it alright if that was all? 

"I couldn't do it Kurosawa. I am - I, don't leave me." Adachi begs, ignoring that they were in public. That they were right in front of the place of their work. Kurosawa loosens his grip and then held them tighter together. Everything is a mess and this is much to emotionally charged for it to be in public. Adachi feels the only thing holding him together is Kurosawa. 

"I don't know what happened last night Adachi, but I really don't plan on ever leaving you." Kurosawa explained, trying to cheer Adachi up. It worked a little bit, he couldn't help but think he trapped this amazing man in a doomed relationship that he could get nothing out of. 

He felt very guilty and bit sick to his stomach. He was becoming a real problem. He took a deep breath in, but none came out. Adachi cling onto Kurosawa and started to cry a bit; everything was just to much. His lungs burned but also refused to give in to the oxygen they needed. And then there was only pain and panic as his vision blurred.

The world seem to stutter as he became weightless and Adachi couldn't gain feeling until something wet touched his forehead. When he opened his eyes he was seemingly surrounded by a bright light and Kurosawa. One of those things hurt his head.

They were in the restroom of their work building, the big one on the first floor. Kurosawa must've carried him there, because he couldn't remember walking. 

"Kurosawa?" Adachi questioned, voice sounding rough. He was a tad bit confused, and still a bit hazy. 

"How are you feeling?" Kurosawa asked, gentle as always. 

He does not answer Kurosawa and let his eyes drop to the floor. Adachi worried him and caused a problem. He was the worst. At least he felt better now. It was probably that fact that Kurosawa's hand was gently petting him. A gentle touch reminding him that not everything in life was always hard or cruel. Kurosawa really was the most understanding person he'd ever met.

"Adachi, I want to tell you something important. It's all right if you find things scary or if you'd rather not do certain things. I'm just happy to be with you. And if you do want us to try, I'll do anything I can to keep you comfortable. I won't be disappointed if you want to stop or just don't ever want it." Kurosawa rationalized.

Adachi took a deep breath and then let it out. That was, really nice to hear. He should say something back to that? Relationships were a two-way street after all. He'd forgotten just how long Kurosawa had liked him without even approaching him. He'd watched him from afar for years, picking up on little facts. There was a good chance that he'd already known about Adachi's grey sexuality. 

"I'd stop anytime you wanted to do too." Adachi said almost sleepily. He was exhausted after the panic attack he'd experienced and the lack of sleep from the night before. It was a shame that they had to be getting up to the office soon, he was ready for a nap.

Kurosawa bubbled with laughter at the unexpected comment. He smiled happily and practically glowed in the bright bathroom lights. "Thank you Adachi." He said, roughly Roughly pawing through Adachi's hair. It was probably a mess again after everything that had happened.

Adachi smiled back for the first time that morning. It was nice to have someone to rely on and talk about things with. When he was feeling stable enough to walk, they held hands up to and for the elevator ride. People saw them during the act, but Kurosawa didn't seem to care. Well, he didn't care because he actually seemed very happy to show off that they were walking together.

It was cute to see Kurosawa acting like this and Adachi couldn't help but squeeze their hands together. He felt lighter now that he wasn't worrying about what would have happened last night and thinking about future possibilities once again made him happy. He was going to revisit the fingering thing down the road a bit, but for now he just wanted to focus on being happy with Kurosawa. When the time came, Kurosawa would be there with him whatever he chose.


End file.
